Thursday, September 23, 2010

My dad's birthday

Today is my dad's 72 birthday. I called him this morning and after struggling quite a while to hear what he was saying. The words eventually came out "Baie lief vir jou" (meaning I love you very much), after that I was in tears. It really feels like those few words can have so much meaning and feeling attached to it, for my dad who can barely speak to try and try and try until I can understand and hear what he is saying.
It feels like my dad is getting sicker and sicker, but I still believe that if it is God's will my dad WILL be healed. It's hard to see him the way he is now, with no way of moving a limb in his body, getting spasms all the time. Struggling to breathe, struggling to cough, struggling to swallow water.
The fasciculations are also a lot worse than it was, if my dad gets tense his whole body is full of fasciculations, his legs, arms, face... I can't imagine how that must feel.
Today, his birthday, we can't even buy him cake or give him his favorite food to eat. No strawberries and ice cream, no fish and no cottage pie. Everything my dad loves he can no longer enjoy. He is no longer able to swallow anything, except the water that we thicken for him.

It also feels like he has lost interest in the things he always loved, like music. Although I can get him to smile and I know just what songs he likes, it feels like he gets irritated with the music lately, that he would rather want it off? I'm not sure why, but it feels like its not something that is important anymore for him and for me. As if music and the things on this earth will fade, which is not as important as the love and emotions that we share on earth. God has given us the most precious gift. Love. Love will always remain and I think it is love that becomes the most important part of our lives, it is what keeps us alive, strong and gives us strength and without it, one would probably not want to live.

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