My dad's birthday

Today is my dad's 72 birthday. I called him this morning and after struggling quite a while to hear what he was saying. The words eventually came out "Baie lief vir jou" (meaning I love you very much), after that I was in tears. It really feels like those few words can have so much meaning and feeling attached to it, for my dad who can barely speak to try and try and try until I can understand and hear what he is saying.

It feels like my dad is getting sicker and sicker, but I still believe that if it is God's will my dad WILL be healed. It's hard to see him the way he is now, with no way of moving a limb in his body, getting spasms all the time. Struggling to breathe, struggling to cough, struggling to swallow water.

The fasciculations are also a lot worse than it was, if my dad gets tense his whole body is full of fasciculations, his legs, arms, face... I can't imagine how that must feel.

Today, his birthday, we can't even buy him cake or give him his favorite food to eat. No strawberries and ice cream, no fish and no cottage pie. Everything my dad loves he can no longer enjoy. He is no longer able to swallow anything, except the water that we thicken for him.

It also feels like he has lost interest in the things he always loved, like music. Although I can get him to smile and I know just what songs he likes, it feels like he gets irritated with the music lately, that he would rather want it off? I'm not sure why, but it feels like its not something that is important anymore for him and for me. As if music and the things on this earth will fade, which is not as important as the love and emotions that we share on earth. God has given us the most precious gift. Love. Love will always remain and I think it is love that becomes the most important part of our lives, it is what keeps us alive, strong and gives us strength and without it, one would probably not want to live.

ALS and CBD

Living with ALS. My dad was diagnosed in March with a Motor neuron disease (MND). It's been a rough road, not just for me but the whole family, especially my mom and dad. It's not an easy thing to accept and not one of us will stop praying and believing in and for his recovery. It's scary to think of the person my dad was and what he has become in less than a year. From being more fit than me, walking 2.5km without a sweat for excise to being in bed al day, struggling to move and even struggling to swallow. My dad will be 72 in September, for some this may seem old, but my dad was as healthy as could be, fit and always watched his diet. Why would he get a disease like this, I hate it!!! After my dad started getting sick I started to research what could possibly be happening to him, finding all the horrible diseases that existed. I just want those diseases to disappear. I want God to take those diseases away, let the diseases burn in hell, so that no one will ever go through something like ALS or the other horrible diseases that exist. For now, all I can really do is try an deal with the situation one day at a time. I would probably not get through this time without Wally (my husband) giving me all his love and support. I cannot believe how God has blessed me with him. He never moans or gets upset to help my dad, to pick him out of the wheelchair to let him stand for a while. Getting him from the wheelchair to the bed and up again from the bed into the wheelchair. Helping to wheely my dad out of the bedroom on the wheelchair. It makes me feel useless...powerless, because I can just stand by and watch not helping any with the weight, but he is one awesome blessing! Cannot Imagine my life without him!

Lief vir jou Wall-E :)